7 Things I Learned from Watching The Purge

7 Things I Learned from Watching The Purge

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I may not be in school anymore but I am certainly still learning loads of things from my weekend outings at the movies. On a whim I ventured out to see The Purge, the latest from director James DeMonaco. You know, the guy who co-wrote Jack (I’ll admit this movie used to make me cry when I was younger).
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Check it. Seriously.

Not to mention The Purge just so happens to have one of my favorite actors front and center, Mr. Ethan Hawke. No matter how questionable his career choices get we will always have Before Sunset, Before Sunrise and Gattaca. That being said I still have no problem admitting when his latest film is a piece of crap.

That brings me to why we’re all here, without further adieu here are 7 things I learned while watching The Purge.

MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD (THIS ONE IS FOR YOU LONG)

 1. KIDS ARE A MAJOR BUMMER
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Between this plot summary courtesty of IMDB,

“A family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legalized.”

And this trailer,

you can pretty much get the entire plot of The Purge. It tells the story of a married couple and how they deal with the fact that their children are complete blockheads.

Their son Charlie decides to let a rando calling for help into their house during the most dangerous time of their lives. Those 12 hours where ALL CRIMES GET A PASS.  Why does he do this? I don’t know, I guess it shows he is a good person. Maybe he just doesn’t like violence but whatever the reason it isn’t worth the risk.

Don’t forget this stranger is also being hunted by a “murderous syndicate” that gets very angry their target acquired shelter. Try being Ethan Hawke and explaining to a masked murdering crew that everything was a misunderstanding. Naturally, the murderous syndicate demands their target and explains if that can’t happen they’ll just kill everybody.

Charlie’s bonehead move compromises their high tech security system (which is later revealed to be almost useless and more for show) and let’s a stranger who eventually gets a gun into their luxurious home.

Should we feel bad for Charlie when he realizes what a colossal party foul he just commited? NO. In fact you end up hoping he kicks the bucket. His one stupid act leads to his fathers death, his sister being knocked unconscious and the destruction of his home. Give this kid a medal.
adelaide-kane-em-cena-do-filme-the-purge-1370798687376_956x500That being said his sister Zoey didn’t help the situation much either. She is dating an older guy and her father doesn’t approve. Classic story right? Except that before the Purge commences her boyfriend sneaks into the house so he can handle things with her father once and for all. And by that I mean he tries to kill my man Ethan Hawke. Oh hell no.

So thanks Charlie and Zoey for reminding me that children are not always little bundles of joy.

2. NO SIDEBURNS = SCARY
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Anybody remember that little whiny kid from Sanctum? Well he’s back in The Purge and is equally as annoying. He plays the leader of the group trying to get their target back from inside Hawke’s home.

rhys-wakefield-and-sanctum-gallery While I was watching I couldn’t quite pinpoint what exactly made this dude so weird looking. About halfway through the movie I realized he had no sideburns. After I noticed that there was no saving it, their lack of presence was all I could think about.

I guess in 2022 all the crazy murdering gangs will have a blond preppy school kid leader with no sideburns. You know, because that’s intimidating!

3. ETHAN HAWKE CAN STILL KICK ASS
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Throughout almost the entire movie Ethan Hawke is the only character that has a great scene. He goes toe-to-toe with some of the crazies from the creepy mask group. After fending off two members with guns, knives and an axe he finishes the job by blasting them with a huge gun, just in case.

It’s a move absent in most movies like this, just to make sure that a character which appears to be dead can come back later in a “GOTCHA!” moment. Instead, Hawke just goes for it making you remember why he’s so great only to be killed moments later for no good reason.

FML

4. PEOPLE IN 2022 ARE INDECISIVE
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I’m sure The Purge was trying to say all sorts of deep things about poverty, violence and blah blah blah but it doesn’t. Instead it’s really just a study of how people can’t make up their damn minds.

First the characters don’t want to do any killing then their lives are in danger so it’s okay. Then Charlie pipes up crying about how his parents are becoming just like everybody else and it’s back to no killing.

This goes on and on to the point where I never knew where any character truly stood and I still don’t. That is except for Lena Headey who has an actually quite amazing scene where she smashes a woman’s head into a glass table. It’s a move I think all of us would like to see Cersei Lannister pull off.

5. RICH PEOPLE HAVE DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF KETCHUP
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At one point we see inside the fridge of the family we follow in The Purge. Not only do they have a plastic squeeze bottle of ketchup on the side shelf but also a glass restaurant style bottle on the middle shelf. Obviously a lavish lifestyle in 2022 means an exorbitant amount of ketchup.

6. 70s STYLE WHITE DRESSES WILL ALWAYS BE SCARY
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There are a few female members of the group in masks set on murder and all of them wear those creepy white dresses. The kind you see in every scary movie where a female ghost is haunting some old house.

They also wear almost sock like shoes which adds to the creep factor. If I were to go on a murderous mission wearing next to no shoes wouldn’t seem very practical. But these ladies are so nonchalant with the idea that their inner flower-child takes over. The dress and mask make for an off putting vibe even more so than the mysteriously missing sideburns.

7. GROWLING IS CUTE
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Remember Zoey the daughter who has a hankering for bad boys? Well in a very strange scene between her and Henry (the boyfriend, above) the two talk about their love for one another. She says, “I love you” but for him that’s not original enough. They need something so specific to them that Oprah might have to resurrect her show in order to find out just how they came up with it. What does he come up with? Growling.

That’s right, the harder you growl the more you love. Write that one down kids, it’s a great life lesson. It’s the kind of scene that seems like it’s setting up something for later except it doesn’t. Which was even more annoying since now looking back I want to know why I had to sit through it. It wasn’t adorable in anyway but I guess that’s all it was attempting to be. Well, The Purge you blew it. Capiche?